#i didnt even find out about this thru social media

[princehugo]

SORRY CLONE HIGH SEASON 3 IS OUT??????

[arwainian]

Following on from the @mosswolf anon, how do YOU find such interesting things to read? :)

oh boy

okay i think for nonfiction/academic works i have the most straightforward answer which is that the starting point is usually a direct recommendation from a professor, or just directly from a syllabus, but then anytime theres a citation i find intriguing, i mark it down and at the end i check to bibliography to find whatever jumps out at me as relevant to my interests!

from here on it gets rambly. for fiction theres a multitude of strategies which boil down to developing trusted sources for finding works i know i'll like, and being willing to take some risks finding stuff outside of that:

(1) listening to friends' and family's gushing recommendations. i try to take into account our differing taste, tho many friends know my taste Very Well from my own gushing and will have very pointed and well selected recommendations. if i develop a particular craving for a type of story i'll ask around for recs

(2) i check out other works by the same authors of books i love to find anything else that looks up my alley. if i've read everything from them, i switch to looking at books that THEY like (thru their social media, or blog, or goodreads, what theyve given cover blurbs for, etc) [this is essentially the same advice as following the bibliography of nonfiction]

(3) i joined some book clubs, i've picked up stuff i never would have otherwise and even if it doesnt click i can still talk about why. this does the same thing to my brain that a literature class might except we're all peers, and you can freely admit you didnt finish the book and still be welcomed to the conversation

(4) just generally i'm willing to try things i havent heard of before if they look intriguing. i give it a fair shake (usually about 50 pages? adjust for the length of the book, or how i feel reading those pages), and then i let myself give up if i'm not feeling it. but giving it a fair shake is crucial! there are too many great and interesting books out there to read something that is boring or annoying me if i dont have a really good reason to stick it out, conversely there are too many good books i've never heard of to never take any risks

libraries are my ally in this, bc i can try a lot of things without committing to them, and i've gotten very experienced at navigating my system's catalogue to deliver books from affiliated libraries to Mine for pick up. libby is also great for ebooks. almost anytime i'm thinking about buying a book at full price, i check if its available thru my library in some way first

(5) when i go into a used bookstore i let the spirit of adventure carry me! i usually try to pick up at least one scifi or fantasy book written by a woman that i have not heard of before, ive had hits and misses but its always worth it to me

i've also recently started to buy self-published work by authors local to me, firstly to support amateur creativity, but also just to see if i like it (still developing my skills here tho...)

(6) if i'm at a bookstore and i'm unsure about wanting a book or not, i'll carry it around with me while i browse. i get a feel for it physically and if i really want to read it, genuinely works wonders on decision making. this can be sorta replicated shopping online by letting things sit in the Cart for a day or two before actually purchasing

FINALLY, after a few years of doing this, i've developed a really strong sense of my own taste(s). i know what to look for in which subgenres, by which authors and so on, which is a godsend in browsing bc i can just let my intuition carry me to victory

best of luck finding something interesting to read, anon!

[treeprince]

hello! ok 1. i love your writing <3 found you from ao3. amazing work *round of applause* 2. i wanted to know how you recommend finding fics / fic recs or promoting your own work? i have heard a lot of ppl say that tumblr doesn’t rly discuss fanworks like they used to and most of that discussion (esp with writing) has moved to discord but i feel like from an outside perspective its hard to stumble upon unless you have friends in the server? idk just wanted to get your thoughts :) have a lovely day!

ive been sitting here on this one all day like,

are... are you in the right place??? did u click on the right blog for this ask??? thank you?????? made my day and also got me v confused

but to answer your questions, ill do it in 2 parts: one for fic recs and the other for fic promos.

theres a couple different ways i look for fics, and im sure both of these are the most common, but the first is using ao3's filter system. i can pare down any particular thing im looking for in a fic with the filter system ao3 runs on, and the tag wranglers (bless them) have made sure that even the vaguely worded tags end up where they need to be under the larger umbrella tag its associated with. you can also peruse the bookmarks of authors on ao3 in their profile and filter those fics down to specific fandoms or pairings or even timeframes it was written!

the second is a combination of using friends recommendations- publically or in private servers- and fic recs on tumblr, usually thru the ship tag (if im following the tag, and if the author chose to promote their fic on tumblr, or a fic rec blog promotes it as some fandoms do)

it also depends on how large the fandom is when you come into it, and what specifically you are looking for, but if you have friends in that fandom who keep bookmarks of their fav fics or know of ones youd enjoy, id recommend going to them if the tag system isnt providing quite what you're after, as id trust a friend over anything else (word of mouth literally is the best promo)

there are also sometimes fic rec blogs, who's entire modus operandi is promoting works at large, so following a few of those (if there are any) can help bring new content to your door as well

as for promoting your own work, you really kind of have the world before you. make a link post on tumblr with a similar tagline to the summary and tag it accordingly. share the link in discord with friends or in fandom spaces. share the link on twitter and tag it so it gets seen. ao3 is not a social media website, so as long as you are the most recent post in the tag, youll always be at the top. theres no algorithms there like there are on other socmed platforms, so really the choice is up to you how and where you want to promote it! reblog the link as many times as you want! its up to you!

and youre not entirely wrong that discussion of fanworks doesn't take place on tumblr anymore, but it really depends on the fandom youre in. i follow several authors and fic rec blogs for one fandom who do regular fic promos of other writers works and gush about them, but in the way that youll see a blurb in the jacket cover of a book. its really just to keep the content coming back to the top here, and helps bring to the surface fics that didnt get a lot of readers in the first run, perhaps bc its an older work or a lesser known pairing.

discussion about fandom works themselves has turned private namely for the sake of reducing drama and hurt feelings in public spaces, and i dont blame them. ive been in ficbook clubs on private servers that were some of the best times ive ever had bc we were allowed to talk freely about an authors work without airing our opinions out for all the world to see, and frankly i much prefer that style of discussion over public ones, but thats me and i cant speak for everyone.

theres also just been a steady shift away from author engagement on socmed bc of how easy it is for them to get hit by negativity there. the culture just isnt the same as it used to be for fic writers as it was in the last decade. hell, in the last year alone, youd be hard pressed to find an author who hasnt experienced some kind of harassment over the course of their career on socmed, if we're being honest. my honest advice to you is: if youre following an author you like, and u want to know more about how they use their creative process, ask them! they may not all answer these days, but it doesnt hurt to try! just be polite, thats all anyone can hope for.

i hope this helps you anon, and thank you for the kind words! if you have more questions or are just looking to get recs, feel free to hmu!

[tigerdrop]

hey i just wanna say the long posts genuinely make my day. also can you talk more about gordon freeman character because the way you write him makes me quake in my gay little boots

i would love to talk about gordon freeman. thank u for the opportunity

the first thing i need to communicate about gordon is that this dude sucks. and i say this in the fondest way possible. he is a bitch from the moment he drops into the world until the moment he goes out. if you dont believe me, give it another watch! gordons mouthy and rude for no real reason, at least so far as “being a regular dude on his way into work” goes, and this dude goes around calling his coworkers names with zero provocation. (of course, we all know that the reason is because its a funny guy improv stream that borrows a bit from freemans mind, but im talkin from a character sense.)

but my argument isnt just that gordon freeman sucks. its that he sucks in a very specific way that i find insanely endearing. i love this dude. i love to hate him. hes awful in a very mundane sense - weve all known a guy like this, at least if youve spent too much time online - and its cathartic to watch him suffer because of it.

gordons a smart guy. as written, hes gotta be - hes a recent MIT grad, on his way to work at a top-secret research facility to do weird shit with crystals and theoretical physics. but the thing about smart guys is that theyre often......selectively intelligent. we can see this in the way that he has a hard time navigating his surroundings, and needs the science crew to guide him through it and keep him alive.

this is one of those things that is a natural consequence of somebody going through the game for the first time, but that i am interpreting as “gordon is kind of stupid sometimes”. its uncharitable but its not like he doesnt deserve it. he likes to boss around the crew as if he knows what hes doing, when he often very much does not, and is fond of demeaning their intelligence. hes real bad about this with tommy in particular, treating him like hes a kid whos playing at being a scientist when tommy is actually a decade older than him. all i am saying is that gordon ought to stay humble. hes awful cocky when he perceives himself as better than others.

which, i think, tracks with how cocky he gets when he gives up on the whole “well-meaning citizen” thing and just unloads bullets into people. he puts up a front of being a Nice Guy, you know, just some dude caught in a bad situation who doesnt like seeing his companions obliterate every NPC they come across, but that doesnt stop him from cackling like a fucking madman and mowing down aliens (and soldiers) every once in awhile. when he stops seeing himself as helpless and starts seeing himself as the one in control, the gloves come off. he gets mean. and i think thats very sexy of him

this, among other things, is why i am insistent that gordon freeman is a control freak. he desperately wants to be in control of the situation at all times, shepherding around the science crew primarily by bitching at them, but its of limited success. its futile. sisyphean. tommy, coomer, bubby, and benrey exist almost to torment him with exactly the thing that would make him suffer the most: a gaggle of people running around causing problems for him, but he cant go anywhere without them b/c hes reliant on them to make it out alive.

its perpetual suffering, and its cathartic to watch. and funny, too. and if youre a little weirdo like me, its very, very enjoyable. how twisted up he gets when nobodys listening to him! how sweaty and frazzled he must look. its cute, and it also makes me want to reach through the screen and shake him and tell him to just be a little nicer. he wants control but he doesnt know how to attain it, he doesnt know how to play nice like a real leader. i think its a neat contrast to gordon freeman as we know him in HL2, where he literally is the leader of the resistance and has to live up to it. this is gordon freeman but if he was moe through helplessness.

“helpless” is, i think, a great way to describe him. a core bit of imagery in half life is this sense of railroadedness and helplessness, with gordon freeman being put into play like a chess piece and having no choice but to move forward. and this iteration of gordon leans into that by being totally dependent on the science crew in order to make progress and Not Die. and hes also subject to the whims of benrey, local eldritch weirdo who has basically made it his life mission to fuck with gordon.

gordons anxieties dont help with that. if he wasnt so fun to stress out and fuck with, the science crew probably wouldnt do it so much! too bad for him that they like fucking with him so much that he was driven into a panic attack (multiple times, even, depending on your interpretation). hes got that real neurotic mindset. always worrying about shit that could go wrong, and attempting to exert control over his surroundings in an effort to control the anxiety.

IMO the real way to nail the Neurotic Gordon Freeman Experience is to combine the ever-present anxiety with his pervasive sense of self-loathing. he openly states that he has no friends and nobody seems to like him, and to that, i really gotta say, i wonder why. he doesnt really seem to factor in that hes kind of a bitch, and has way too high an estimation of his own intelligence relative to everybody elses. its really one of the worst ways to be: aware that people dont like you, but unaware of exactly why. if he was like, 10% nicer, he probably wouldnt have had half as many issues getting through black mesa, but also, its funny to see him squawking his way through the game. so, you know.

its stuff like that that makes me headcanon him as a dude with low self-esteem in general. convinced that hes not likable, not attractive, out of his element......impostor syndrome, except that theres some truth to it. this is a guy who truly does not realize how good he has it: he really is just an average shitty dude, and yet, somehow, benrey took a shine to him. some poor motherfucker out there actually likes him and wants to suck his dick. thats dedication

also, i keep bringing up “repression” when i talk about gordon. and hopefully, what ive been talking about helps explain why. he has a strong desire to be a regular dude, not just murdering his way through black mesa, but if hes pushed hard enough he leans into it. gets bossy. picks up a cigar off a dead soldier and takes a long drag, before smacking forzen around with a pistol and ordering him around. gordon freeman is a regular, kind of anxious guy who likes competitive swimming and streaming on justin.tv and making anime references, and he is also a guy who takes a filthy pleasure in making a trained soldier his bitch. and i didnt make up any of this shit - this is purestrain canon, baby. this is a guy with problems

to me, this screams the kind of guy who represses a lot of shit b/c he doesnt feel like its morally decent. you run into this guy a lot online: the wokeboy, the online leftist, the guy who spends too much time on social media websites. (like reddit. i think he would actively use reddit and he would never get any appreciable amount of karma but he never stops posting. its sisyphean! cathartic.) from the way he talks about “bootboys”, i think it tracks. he knows about imperialism, he knows about feminism, but at the end of the day hes your average american white dude who struggles with internalizing it.

a lot of those dudes struggle with sex and gender issues. (dont we all.) when youre trying to be a Good Person(tm), you spend a lot of time thinking about your own relationship to sex and kink and all that shit. and i maintain that a too-online dude who buries a lot of his control freak tendencies would also try to bury a lot of weird sexual shit in an attempt to seem Normal and Well-Adjusted and not like a little freak. i justify this by the sheer number of times gordon blurts out weird sex shit as a joke. there are only two outcomes to making that many piss jokes: either youre secretly a piss guy, or you lathe-of-heaven yourself into becoming one. i will stand by this

ive talked a lot about why this dude sucks. now, let me talk to you about what makes gordon so much fun to write. first things first: hes funny! a subjective evaluation, yeah, but both in- and out-of-character, hes aiming to be funny. and being the straight man to everybody else plays into that whole “helplessness” thing.

secondly: underneath it all, there is a good dude under there. gordon worries when his companions get hurt, he tries to clean them off and patch them up, and hes got his lil leftist heart in the right place. you could even read a lot of his bossy, bitchy demeanor as him wanting to make sure everyone gets out okay and doesnt hurt themselves. when it comes to animals and anti-imperialist sentiment, gordons a pretty good guy.

hes the kind of guy who would probably see a dog on the street and get excited and play with it, but would get really prickly about the correct way to put dishes in the dishwasher. control freak tendencies.

finally, subjecting such a miserable, tormented guy to even more psychological anguish is really, really fun. you feel a little bad for him, but he kind of deserves it. so many problems he goes through are purely of his own making, and if gordon would just relax and quit trying to hard to maintain control - of himself, of the people around him - and own up to having Problems and Issues, he would be a happier guy. but thats why its fun to bend him until he breaks. being a little control freak myself, putting gordon freeman thru psychosexual torment is cathartic.

when it comes to writing his thought processes, the fact that he is canonically some kind of psychotic (yes, i am boldly claiming this. suck me) and i am also canonically some kind of psychotic makes it easier to write what i think his thought processes are. i just give him my brain issues of “getting lost in thought” and “overthinking fucking everything”. a touch of paranoia helps. even if i dont explicitly label him as schizophrenic please know that i am writing him as a paranoid little nutcase at all times because, uh, you write what you know.

paranoid. anxious. of the mindset that everyones out to get him (which isnt helpful when everyone is out to get him). repressed and deeply Not Normal but trying so very fucking hard to be normal and well-adjusted. a control freak with sadistic tendencies who also really, really likes getting bullied by his best frenemy. a hapless little nerd who sounds really cute when his voice starts to break from nerves. and, most importantly, a dumb jock. do not ever forget this.

thats gordon freeman, babey. hope that helps

[sweet-potatoq]

ok i really wanna dive into this xicheng gymnast au ive got going on because its self-idulgent a really cool idea and ive been really interested in gymnastics recently (little angst bc im a weak bitch)

here are jiang cheng, nie huaisang, wei wuxian designs; ill add more as i draw

so jc, nhs, and wwx are popular rhythmic gymnasts and are a fan favourite in the fandom (?)

jc loves the ribbon but can also do club and rope; nhs does ball, ribbon and club; wwx can do all five (ribbon, ball, hoop, club, and rope) but he likes doing hoops the most

the three of them are pretty close since they have time to chitchat at the small louge area for resting; theyre also often called the powerpuff girls (ppg) since they wear red, green and purple (ik bubbles is blue but just roll w it)

jc has a no. 1 fan, like the biggest jc fan ever, and its a famous musician, lan xichen; literally his social media is filled with jc photos, fancams, and videos (sometimes he posts selfies with his jc merch that me probably made on his own)

ppg knows about lxc and teases jc about him so much

"did you see his face lighting up once it was jc's turn? he even brought a handmade light up banner for him omg"

jc is both flattered and annoyed (mostly because he gets teased a lot for it) but every gift lxc gives him (read: yeets on the floor) is treasured

its mostly bouquets of lotus flowers and teddy bears (there are times when he throws heavily a box safely wrapped in thick bubble wrap and tons and tons of tape and inside is just cute bracelets, necklaces and rings)

secret: jc wears it under his clothes and costume

secret secret: it sometimes comes out and lxc screams about it on twt

anyways, one day at a competition, ppg makes a bet that if jc gets a score higher than 18 in ribbons, then he has to go to lxc and ask him out

jc is torn bc he really wants a high score but is too shy to ask lxc out

spoiler: jc gets a 18.5 and now he has to approach lxc

jc's too shy to do it in person so he reaches out thru twt and dms him a

"hey uh i know ur like a big fan and i appreciate ur gifts but sometimes they look expensive anyways can i treat u to dinner to compensate"

LXC FREAKS OUT AND MESSAGES EVERYBODY HE KNOWS

lwj: do it, nmj: coward accept it, jgy: once in a lifetime opportunity, fucking do it pussy

spoiler #2: lxc accepts and jc takes him to a nice restaurant on a nice night out

its super awkward at first but once lxc takes over the conversation (mostly gushing about jc's techniques and routines) they find a nice flowing convo

"i had a great time" "me too!! im honoured to have had a dinner with my idol" "gay panic"

jc and lxc keep talking thru twt dms until they finally exchange numbers

"huan-ge" "CHENG CHENG 😭🥺💖"

they eventually go out again, and again, and again, until finally lxc gets brave and asks him out ON A DATE!!! as if the other hangouts arent dates 🙄

now theyre B O Y F R I E N D S ~ ✨

but secret bc jc is still new to everything and is lowkey overwhelmed by it, lxc agrees and does his best to make jc more comfortable and make him feel loved

they do fight over how jc's still being cold after months of dating and the fact that their relationship is still a secret doesnt help AT ALL

after numerous fights about it, lxc breaks and unloads all of HIS insecurity

"ive been feeling like ive forced you into this relationship, that my love and adoration for you made you feel as if you needed to compensate for that like how you did when we first went out. you've been cold and reject my affection and it hurts me even though i know you've said that you're just not used to it, but jiang cheng, we've been dating for 8 months now and i was so sure that by this point you'd be more comfortable. i love you a-cheng but i feel like you dont love me back."

something in the lines of that but you get me right?

ANYWAYS lxc keeps his distance from jc and jc does the same bc shit he feels bad that he made lxc think and feel that way

ppg notice that jc has been acting weird and asks him abt it and jc opens up to them about his relationship with lxc and ppg just go from 👁️👄👁️ to 😬☹️😞 because yikes

nhs and wwx obvi helps him brainstorm ideas as to how to apologize and show lxc that jc truly loves him the same way but theyre so busy with training and practicing for finals wHEN SUDDENLY NHS GOES

"what if... you dressed... in a blue and white costume... and wore the gifts he gave..."

BOOM jc gets the same costume from his routine tailored in white and blue and gets a pearlescent ribbon, shining blue to purple and wears pretty cloud earrings and replaces his zidian ring with a matching cloud ring

he goes to his finals in that costume AND ALL HIS FANS RIOT

"holy SHIT jc is wearing blue???" "what happened to the old costume??" "its the same one but in blue??" "hes so handsome tho"

lxc is obvi there at the finals because he is first and foremost, jc's no. 1 fan

nmj and lwj are with lxc bc lxc needs emotional support, and with the added bonus of jc's beautiful costume and accessories, he just LOSES it and cries on the spot bc hes a softie

jc performs his routine, gets an unbelievable high score and wins a gold medal (deserve) and on the podium, he asks for a mic and tells the whole fucking world his feelings for lxc

"ive been dating lan xichen, my no. 1 fan, for 8 months and its been the best 8 months of my entire life. its been a secret to everybody we both know because i was too scared to say something, too scared that everybody would reject it and judge us. but now that i realized it has put a strain on our relationship, it made me think. why should i worry about this? why should i be scared? why, when i have him by my side to support me and love me? im so sorry huan-ge that ive made you feel unloved and unwanted because i do love you. i love you so fucking much and it hurts me that you feel this way because of me. i hope that you're here somewhere in the audience to hear this, maybe not since we're not okay, but know that ill do better. ill let myself love you wholy and freely from now on if you'll let me."

cue jc crying and lxc also crying (harder) and probably the whole world crying with them even lwj lets out a tear or two

cue cue lxc fucking jumping out the barracade, fall on his ass, running towards the podium, tripping and landing on his face, standing up and limping, then tackling jc and almost making them fall over bc lxc is chaotic like that

cue cue cue lots of crying and hugging and screaming from the audience and probably the medical team rushing in because holy shit lxc did that and jc is still hitting him for almost dying??

social media fucking blows up with numerous photos of jc, videos of jc's speech, photos and videos of lxc and jc and loads of support messages for the two of them

it ends with lxc posting numerous selfies of him and jiang cheng being lovey dovey with a really cheesy caption that probably goes like

"HE HAS NO RIGHT TO MAKE MY KOKORO GO DOKI DOKI" or "i love one (1) man and its my boyfriend- oops i meant fiance"

the end sksks theres other couples in this like wangxian and nieyao but really minor so i didnt put them in BUT how is this story? is it worth writing out? or is it ok as is?

[dbssh]

*PLEASE* tell me more about Daniel...

OH MAN i dont know a lot about what to say im just!!!! thinking about him so much. i said that i wouldnt go too in-depth with him because hes supposed to be just for funsies but im stupid so! ive been sketching out something of a plot for him & fifteen nd them Bonding and Escaping The Evil Laboratory Together and ive just been thinking about them like. living together after its all over n trying to live a normal life even when theyre all like. fucked up. idk but!!! because im rambling im gonna go into a list of random facts so i can try to stay a lil organized.

for a bit, Daniel just has the big mouth on his face and he can't really speak with it for a lot of reasons, so Fifteen teaches him sign! at first he just learns fingerspelling and spells out every word, and thats fine for a bit! but once theyre out daniel prefers to use sign in public because he tries to cover his face and neck as much as possible, and speech just doesnt... feel all that natural or comfortable with the second mouth anyways, so they both end up learning a lot more!

after they get out, daniel very impulsively rips off his number, which is a peice of cloth (or something? idk) the doctor actually like, sewed onto his skin, so that was probably not a smart move on his part. but later he gets a tattoo around the scar. i havent decided what of yet, but yeah.

fifteen actually leaves hers on! shes okay with her name being a number because like, shes never had any other name and she doesnt really like. give a shit what people call her. so for her its just a fun little name tag!

before everything happened, Daniel used to play guitar! he gets back into it after they get out as a sort of stress relief/distraction. he's not great but thats not really what matters.

he gets back into fishing, too! he doesnt hunt anymore, and he never keeps the fish he catches, he just finds it calming. sometimes he just doesnt put any bait on the hook and he'll just sit there for like. hours. just chillin. being by the water is nice, too.

they tried living in an apartment in the city for a bit but the noise and all the people around was just. so overwhelming for daniel. he spent most of his time inside and didnt ever go anywhere or do anything unless he absolutely had to. so as soon as they had the money to they got a place further into the countryside, near a smaller town. i still havent really decided like, where the fuck they are but dont worry about it. maybe like the midwest or the south or something. idk

fifteen gets into puzzles and video games! she finds an old console and absolutely slams through all the games she can get her hands on. she loves turn-based strategy games and also minecraft :D. she also eventually learns about online shooter games like overwatch and tf2 and. she is so fucking good at them. gamer gf.

fifteen is also super hyped to learn about fashion!!! she didnt wear clothes in the facility because she didnt have any and didnt see the need for any because she doesnt have like, boobs or anything. but when she learns that clothes can just be worn because theyre colourful and fun? she goes ham. she loves big long skirts and colourful t-shirts and anything brightly coloured. never shoes tho, she doesnt like them.

that said her fashion isnt like. good persay. yknow that post about how femmes all dress like miss frizzle? she does that but with slightly less coordination.

daniel doesnt have good fashion sense either sjdbdhdh hes a redneck butch at heart. genuinely owns at least one pair of camo cowboy boots, 90% of his wardrobe is denim.

their house is very sparsely decorated but at the same time very odd. like the few things they have are all things that they really, really liked and since neither of them have Normal or Good taste, they have some very uh. questionable decorations. basically just scroll thru shiftythrifting for a while and u will understand the vibe.

neither of them have cell phones. not for any real reason just. they dont have anyone to call. they dont need or want social media. if they really need something they can use the computer or the landline.

fifteen is very monotone with a pretty non-expressive face and she mostly just looks kinda o_o all the time.

daniel on the other hand is expressive to the point where he's embarrased about it, even when its harder to tell with his weird face. he's usually just like. in a state of mild crankiness but when its just him and fives he actually like. idk shes very calming for him in a way that is unfamiliar, but not unwelcome.

their home is usually very quiet! daniel doesnt speak a ton and fifteen is okay with that, and neither of them are really that big on music, preferring just to let it be quiet. its especially nice once they live near the river.

daniel has a lot of issues with chronic pain from his teeth, which just kind of. keep growing, all the time. once they get to the point where its like, he cant close his mouth anymore, then it becomes a problem that they actually have to like, Do Something about. (the doctors solution was to just rip out all his teeth every few years. obviously he's not too keen on that.) they end up just filing them down which still sucks and is difficult and annoying but. u gotta do what u gotta do yknow

i still dont know how but they do figure out a way to kiss that is good and comfortable for both of them. theyre not like, super outwardly fluffy and affectionate all the time but. they do still have their moments of softness

[tootyfrootycasbooty]

how do u think u are inspired by punk subculture and others like ska and alternatives... like i find it very cool and see u talk in ur blog, wanted to know more... do u have any recomendations? like films, books... anyway thanks have a nice day u r lovely!!

WOW big question with a big answer under the cut. lovely lovely elizabeth just did an interview w me for Berlin Art Link and i discuss punk & subculture & fandom in the context of my art practice and dissertation there!

 my dad brought me up on the music very young, little babby me in the car singing along to the clash and the specials....it’s always just been a part of how i see myself, and i struggled w it a lot more when i was younger, it didn’t exactly mesh with being a black preteen/teen in one of the Whitest parts of the country. i think it will always be an influence i carry with me thru fashion and music tastes, and it’s been really nice in the last 2 years to kind of rediscover that part of myself bc i stopped acknowledging it for a big long time. 

i am the most annoying defender of ska because The Internet has reduced this entire genre down to like...shitty third and fourth wave american ska which is ???? not even something i’ve ever really associated as ska, it’s so far removed. ska is a jamaican genre and it’s the precursor to rocksteady and reggae, and there’s a really interesting relationship between different subcultures in postwar britain who kind of transcend anti-black racism of the time to find common ground in black-british culture. a lot of that comes from ska - punk and skinhead culture have both been hugely whitewashed or misremembered by their more commercialised/infamous versions in the media, despite there being so much variance & nuance at the time, and when both were early in their incarnations they centred around ska and reggae. read: don letts, beautiful dreadhead brother/dj to the punks. my white dad introduced me to reggae bc he was punk, while my jamaican mum could not give a shit about it!! anyway i know more about 2-tone/second wave ska than the first bc i was obsessed w Ghost Town by the specials as a kid, and while writing my dissertation i realised how fantastic it is that was i was drawn to a genre that specifically marries black and white culture in britain through music, very audibly and visually too, and it’s just....overtly political while being outrageously fun....it’s very honest and timeless and now more than ever, it feels relevant. imo, ska was often hopeful/joyful (even if the lyrics weren’t necessarily) while punk was nihilistic. i think it’s also worth saying that british and american punk have very different histories and offshoots, even tho they happened at the same time and had many crossovers.

my recommendations, whew ok!

books: black by design - pauline black (AMAZING biography by singer of the selector, mixed race and adopted, i gasped so many times bc so many parts of this book reflected my exact feelings of discovering my own blackness, even tho our child & adolescent years were like...4-5 decades apart); lipstick kisses - greil marcus (very dense but mostly very interesting, altho it does go wildly off topic sometimes. comparing 20th century social history to medieval religious history etc. it’s wild. if u want an academic read about this is IT, the way he links the letterist & situationist international to punk is just *chefs kiss*....also in general v good commentary on how mass homogenous culture combined w a loss of true freedom via capitalism, eventually creates civil unrest like may 68 and punk.) and england’s dreaming - jon savage (the go-to history of punk, basically starting with malcolm mcclaren’s childhood and how his art school background combined w may 68 led to him & vivienne very consciously creating a stylised movement, but it rly covers a lot more than that)

more academic texts on punk: subculture, the meaning of style - dick hebdige (aka the very same bastard of I Love Dick); punk rock, so what - ed. roger sabin (this is a fantastic collection of essays on dif topics that u may not ever consider in relation to punk, but the ones on race, women, and commodity are fab...so good for solidifying the concept that punk existed beyond the sex pistols and was much more interesting than them too); i havent actually read any ska specific academic texts but i wld be interested to! also dayglo! the poly styrene story for my fave black punk leading lady

films & tv: this is england (of course...how i could i not...i implore u to watch the film and then each series bc the journey is spectacular & effortlessly shows how transient and changeable these subcultures could be as music and fashion and social circumstances change); farming by adewale akinnuoye-agbaje (big trigger warning for violent racism & internalised racism, so harrowing & worthwhile tho, i dont think it deserved the shoddy reviews it got...it rly undid me); dance craze by joe massot (2-tone documentary); sex & drugs & rock n roll (ian dury is great is often left out of punk conversations but he’s a big part of my childhood and stiff records was v influential to punk & post-punk)

just general good films abt subculture: northern soul (ive been going to northern soul nights since moving to london and the history is so interesting and i wish i could go back in time and BOOGIE my god it seems incredible....also see fiorucci made me hardcore, a video art piece by mark leckey); 24 hour party people; quadrophenia; the football factory (fun fact, my dad became a punk bc he didnt like football & was tired of being beaten up by footie fans lmao); velvet goldmine.

[ursoself-satisfying]

Brian May takes a lot of photos n its gr8

omgomg I just thought of something n not to be a whole ass ho here but it's cute as FUCK heres some hardcore current Brian may feels for u

So Brian's on Instagram a lot right?? Well just imagine his social media when ur together,,, hes always posting lil things u do cus ur relationship is so new n hes so enthralled w everything about u it's the honeymoon phase n he loves it n his feed for a while is almost all u,, every other post is something to do w u it's about u teaching him to do things or him teaching u things n taking each other places n him being excited about it all

Then its sweet things like little thoughts he has about u n pics of u in the morning or stereos he takes of u when ur out in the garden n the sun is hazy n soft on ur hair or it's a random picture of ur hand n just him saying something vague n a bit ridiculous the way he does,, it's not v often anything explicit or anything too private or lovey dovey no hes a respectable man n he likes to keep that to himself but every once in a while like on a birthday or holiday or anniversary is the like he posts a collection of photos of u most of which r silly n poorly framed but they're so genuine n candid n they're so full of love like it's just u at a cafe n theres nothing special about this date but he just thought u looked absolutely radiant n he insisted u let him take a photo of u n share ur beauty w the world

Whether ur an artist or not he also is ur number one hype man ok like anything u wanna do he 110% supports u n it can be overwhelming at times lol but it's all from love like if ur an artist hes constantly posting about ur latest work n sharing it w people n wanting u to get all the credit n attention he believes u deserve n hes just so proud!!!! Hes so happy ur successful n he wants to help u anyway he can!!!

Other things he posts would be like cheeky photos of gifts he gets u or things he surprises u w,, but mostly its things u do together places u go n see,, other times its u teaching him to knit n he takes a video of it or its him teaching u to chart stars n ur just so darn cute when ur focusing he cant help but wanna photograph u

Besides posting this stuff he also just loves to take pictures of u all the time, this is either just on his phone or whatever is close but he personally likes to use his stereo n this leads to all sorts of impromptu photo sessions of u in the garden or the kitchen n it's all v sweet n silly n domestic n u certainly dont mind being the center of attention or a muse but then sometimes it's a bit more private,, its pictures taken in the early morning when the suns just barely come up n ur still asleep n ur bare n shivering in the cold fresh air n he just loves how gentle n unassuming u look when ur asleep ur like a little angel on a cloud n he adores u n the soft rise n fall of ur chest n the little puffs of air that leave ur mouth when u snore lightly

Those r his fav pics, personally, the ones when ur so blissfully unaware of how gorgeous u r,, such unintentional ethereal beauty,, it just amazes him n leaves him breathless everytime n hes so in love n so soft for u n he keeps these pictures close to his heart his precious secret treasure he doesnt share w anyone

On the flip side theres also some saucy boudoir photos he takes when the two of u get hot n heavy n this collection is one he frequently revisits ;;)) its photos of u panting on top of him giving the camera a tired blissed out smile n then of u beneath him w ur lips in an 'o' shape n ur eyes rolling back n they're all a bit blurry,, then theres another of u posing for him w ur legs spread n showing off ur love for him n then u from behind w this mischievous look in ur eyes n then some w ur face buried in the sheets n drool pooling around ur cheeks,,

Theres some of him too from ur perspective,, him looking over u w his curls thrown back or him beneath u biting his lip n smiling shyly,, theres a few selfies w him thrusting into u from behind or some v soft post coital ones of u curled up on his chest n him sleeping soundly,, or some closer photos of his larger hand splayed out on ur ass or some fuzzy shots of u trying to get the hickies on ur neck,, theres some V nsfw ones as well w his face between ur legs or vice versa or hands cupping things or close ups of ur hips grining against his,,, he loves it all he loves every photo the two of u take together especially these n he saves them for the days hes away for work n misses u like no other

But wait!!! Then theres the VIDEOS cus ofc hes constantly taking soft videos of u either holding animals or gardening or cooking or just reading or sleeping or maybe playing music or he loves the one he has of u dancing uwu but theres also some of the two of u fucking def,,, he set up the camera one night so it could record the bed n u both agreed to this n were excited if not a bit nervous n u had to coax him down from feeling like he had to put on any show n just to focus on making love to u n he did just that n u def think something about the thought of being able to see this later or just the scandal of having a sex tape turned him on cus it was some of the best sex of ur life,, n he takes it w him when hes on tour n frequently watches it when hes alone lol sometimes not even to get off just to see u n hear u in this intimate n remember exactly how u sound, tho he knew he could never forget it

Speaking of when hes away on tour,, hes fond of receiving nudes but not so much sending (hes a bit insecure even tho u tell him all the time how gorgeous n sexy he is it's the age gap it gets to him) but every once in a while he sends a nice one of himself for u n u just adore it u treasure it n keep it close cus it's so rare n hes just such a GOD n u just love him sm,, but anyway not only do u send him plenty of teasing nudes when hes gone but sometimes when u kno hes going to be away for an especially long period of time u go get professional boudoir photos taken n u sneak them into his bag so he sees them when he lands n he just cannot even wait to use them hes already getting hard knowing what's sitting in his suitcase for him to unpack later,,, he also appreciates the effort u put into getting this photos done n that u take the time to make physical copies for the old man n his old fashioned ways (tho he cant say he wasnt jealous of the fact someone else got to take these photos even if he does love the surprise)

I think if he or when he figures out snapchat he would love it n it would be the primary way the two of u spoke during tours n such,, waking up to a good morning snap of him in bed n sending back an equally teasing one n that just keeps going thru the day n its quick n easy n it fulfills his need to see u

He still loves to look back thru his phone n look at all the pictures he has of u (in an organized folder u showed him how to make) not even the saucy ones mostly the soft ones the ones of u just living ur life in the most beautiful natural way it's the ones of u in ur pjs w a toothbrush in ur mouth or first thing in the morning w bags under ur eyes or midday of u on the couch half asleep w ur lunch sitting half eaten besides u n reruns on tv or u concentrating on something u love or u driving or sleeping or getting dressed or undressed just anything u do he loves (not in a creepy way rip) n that's the stuff he thinks about n looks at most frequently when hes away he still loves the NSFW stuff he rly rly does trust me but he loves u n all that u r on an everyday basis the most it's not just the sex or the sensual moments it's the love n the domesticity of it all

Anyway he loves to take photos of u n he loves seeing photos of u n receiving photos of u,, he doesn't like photos being taken of him as much but he does love when u take photos n he loves that u love to take photos n God just hes a sentimental old man who cherishes tangible memories n loves u n what more could u want ::""))

just, FUCK ,,Brian n taking photos of u ok that's all that's the post fuck fuck me up oof

DUDE I DIDNT EVEN RLY GET INTO THE IG PART OF IT like him trying to find a balance of posting about n then on top of that any drama that unfolds bc of that!!! Like u having to help him learn the intricacies of social media or people being awful bc ur so young n him just dealing w all that!!! Finding ways to ignore the bs n the rude comments n then ur own ig any drama that comes to u by way of him posting about u or just all that type of stuff!!!! That's a whole nother discussion!!!! But I adore it all the love the angst the soft feels!!!!! I just love him uwu

[sxyurii]

Hey, I've been your follower for years now and recently I've been through a breakup and I saw your post about it and I feel really sad I don't know how to move on and I just wanted to ask could u give some tips 😢❤❤❤ Love you and your blog so much!!! Sending you much love

Omg hi angel!!! 💕 im really sorry to hear that :( It sucks but we gonna get thru this baby

This will be a long post but also for anyone whos going thru a breakup rn, I'll type out everything that I wish someone told me before 😂

HOW TO WIN A BREAKUP

Ok so im gonna put shit that I know from expierence and as a psychology major so we have some gold hacks here on getting over a breakup 😏 First, I've personally had like quiete few breakups and honestly that FIRST ONE is ALWAYS the worst. If this is ur first breakup im rly sorry but its gonna suck for a while LMAO just remember that first one is the most painful but once you get over it its like antidote for life. No breakup will hurt that much as far as I know. Now lets start. U broke up youre sad, alone, crying, now what?

1. Call your friends. ALL OF THEM. I always felt my breakups before they happened and with this recent one I summoned all of my friends and they were all there with me before and after it happened. Venting helps and emotional support will be the first thing here. You are very vulnerable and sensitive right now and your emotions are all over the place probably. You're sad, angry, confused you wanna kill him all of that shit and having people there with who you can let out all those emotions is SO SO SO important i cant stress it enough. Dont bottle emotions D O N T its tempting but its toxic as fuck and it prolongs the healing. Buy junk food, have girls night, cry to your friends and talk about it until you don't feel need to anymore, cry more. Use all emotional support u can get, ur girls got u. BONUS TIP therapy helps alot. Ive been to therapy to help me sort my emotions out and its been super helpful. Remember also friends arent therapists, sometimes a professional help to guide thru emotions is the good choice too.

2. DELETE EVERYTHING you have that reminds you on them. I personally dont have hard time with it I know some people do but its also one of the most toxic things. Delete the pictures, chats, unfollow them block them even if u have to, mute, delete the songs that remind u of them. Literally erase their existence from your life. Due our brain not knowing difference between someone breaking up w us and someone dying pain we feel is intense and gets to point we feel physical pain. Memories trigger emotional responses and keep opening the wound. You need to heal. Patch it and let it heal. Dont poke it by seeing still things that remind u of them.

3. dO NOT STALK THEIR SOCIAL MEDIA. DONT DONT DONT. ITS LIKE DRINKING POISON EXPECTING THEM TO DIE??? What you could possibly find that will make u feel better??? Them posting that they miss you and want u back??? Nah sis, social media presence of people is so biased and its SO EASY to fake anything. You can misinterpret alot and you might also see stuff that will hurt u. Some of my exes (idk abt this last one tho bc I never stalked his social media since we broke up and im super proud on it) would post stuff that they know would hurt me or make me jealous or just some shady shit and you dont want to go in a place where u know someone just wants to hurt u. You are better than that. Protect your mental peace at all costs.

4. Journal. With this recent breakup I wrote like alot about it, i took my emotions and wrote paaaages. Let it all out. Draw abt it. Find ways to turn your pain in art.

5. DONT TEXT YOUR EX. CUT THEM OFF. its the best for you. You cant heal in a place you got hurt. If you wanna text them handle phone to ur best friend. I know whenever you are alone u will feel so lonely but trust me better call your friend than hit up ur ex LMAO We all still think we want our ex back even some time after breakup. We tend to idealize our exes in our heads and remember only the good times and stuff and then its just painful illusion. I know i did that alot with my exes so with this last one i decided to prevent it. Best way for that was to make a list of all the things he did that would hurt me, make me sad or mad and that i just didnt like abt him. Whenever I would feel im thinking I miss him I would read that list and see he wasnt so good and there was a reason that relationship ended. It will come to point u will see you werent happy and you will be slowly letting it go. He aint shit trust me.

6. Usually it takes 3 weeks for the worst symptoms of breakup to subdue bc our neurotransmitters need to balance again. Love is a drug and breakup is like withdrawal from cocaine addiction. Your body and mind will go through symptoms same as cocaine addict. Remember to be kind to yourself. Take care of yourself. I know for me issue was I would be like "get over it" and not allow myself to be hurt abt it. Be kind, you are going though huge emotional trauma and you deserve all the time and space to be hurt and feel it. Feelings are like visitors, you just have to accept them with out resistance and let them pass. Acceptance is the key.

7. Focus on yourself. You were so used on putting effort and energy into that person. Take all of that energy and put it back in YOU. Be selfish. Treat yourself. Date yourself. Write things you love about yourself. Rediscover your passions. Focus on school. On your beauty. dYE UR HAIR DO A TATTOO DO UR NAILS DO A FACEMASK PLAY SONGS SINGING HOW EXES AINT SHIT Fall in love with yourself. This is something that you will be ready to do when you processed all the emotions in healthy way.

8. Idk did i forget something but just to add this. "This too shall pass". You will heal. You will mend. Never close your heart to love again. You deserve love and one day you will have it. Dont let your pain make you push love away. Breakups are extremely good for self growth and be grateful for it because trust me you will grow so much and you will learn so much about yourself.

I hope I helped at least a bit 💕 I keep feeling like I forgot something but know that you and anyone can always hit me up in DMs and ask for help. Im always open to help anyone and dont hold back. Im sending you so much love honey 💖💖💖💖💖

[teddylawrence]

task 001 baybee!

PREFERRED NAME — bri

PRONOUNS — she/they either work fr me tbh

AGE — 22

TIMEZONE — est

HOW OFTEN ARE YOU ONLINE? — literally too much.......... like if i’m not online on my laptop i’m lurking on mobile it’s a Problem

HOW DID YOU HEAR OF WATERSHED? — i’m friends w the asshole who Created It /:

DISCORD — chocalety milk#0458

OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE — uh my personal is here n my pinterest is here im always down to give out twitter n insta too if anyone wants it :B

MYER-BRIGGS — istp

HP HOUSE — slytherin

ZODIAC — gemini

DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY? — like a lot yes an embarrassing amount i am, in fact, that white girl that asks what ur sign is like 3 minutes into meeting them im not PROUD of it its jst me this is real this is me

DO YOU ENJOY ASTROLOGY? — i have the gemini symbol tattooed on me.

HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU STARTED RPING ON TUMBLR — i think like 13?? or 12 i cant remember tbh

WHAT YEAR WAS IT? — 2011 or something i dnt wanna do math thts jst a random guess

NAME A RANDOM ROLEPLAY THAT STICKS OUT IN YOUR MEMORY — the magic returns, it was a next gen harry potter rp tht i was in fr im not kidding my entire high school career

WHAT WEIRD ANIMAL WOULD YOU HAVE AS A PET IF IT WAS REALISTIC — idk a kangaroo i think........ i kno they can actually b super aggressive and r jacked as fuck bt its rly cute when baby joey’s r in their mama’s pouches

WHAT PET DO YOU GENUINELY CONSIDER GETTING SOMEDAY? — i want another cat so bad and i’d like to have a dog again someday tbh

NAME THE FIRST SONG ON YOUR DISCOVER WEEKLY ON SPOTIFY OR THE FIRST SONG THAT COMES ON APPLE MUSIC / ITUNES SHUFFLE — the first song on my discover weekly is 2all by catfish and the bottlemen n i put my spotify on shuffle too n the first song that came up was imaginary parties by superfruit

NAME A BOOK THAT YOU READ IN SCHOOL THAT YOU SURPRISINGLY LIKED — i think besides to kill a mockingbird, brave new world by aldous huxley was my fave??

NAME A BOOK YOU HATED THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKED — i genuinely can’t even think of a book i hated......... maybe the great gatsby, its my english teacher’s fave n she was hyping it up sm but it jst kinda bored me??

WHAT TV SHOW DID YOU RECENTLY BINGE? WOULD YOU RECOMMEND IT? — i’m binging stranger things with my mom rn and shameless on my own, both r Dumb Good i’m quite obsessed.................

WHAT FILM DID YOU LAST WATCH? DID YOU LIKE IT? — i finished texas chainsaw massacre like the original with my bf and i thought it was rly boring NSDGLJSKDLGH film nerds everywhere b spitting on me rn /:

FAVOURITE QUOTE — i genuinely don’t think i even have one............ there’s been a few that’ve always Touched Me bt i can’t even think of one rn

LINK TO A VINE / TIK TOK / VIDEO THAT EXUDES YOUR ‘ENERGY’ — this bad boy right here

DO YOU WRITE OUTSIDE OF RP? WHAT DO YOU WRITE? — i’m attempting nanowrimo but it’s frankly not going well and other than that?? i haven’t in forever but should start again tbh

THREE YOUTUBERS YOU STILL LOVE & TRUST — noel miller, cody ko, chris klemens

A CELEBRITY CRUSH THAT JUST WON’T QUIT — harry styles until the day i die baybee!

EVER MEET A CELEBRITY? SHARE YOUR STORY — i met kurtis conner at the last 1975 concert i went to it was quite awkward i cld jst tell he did not want 2 take another picture LHSDGLKHSDG

WHAT’S YOUR PICTURE-PERFECT NIGHT? — tbh in the summer all my friends and i do is sit in my backyard drinking beers and playing card games so that

A CONSPIRACY THEORY YOU KINDA BELIEVE IN — the mandela effeect

ARE ALIENS REAL? — yes ofc u cannot look me in the eye and tell me we’re the only living species in the universe

PLAY ANY PHONE GAMES? WHICH ONES? — /: i have 4 diff versions of candy crush on my phone...............

PLAY ANY OTHER GAMES? WHICH ONES? — i was never allowed to play like any computer/video games growing up so i jst never did it was a sad childhood

WHAT’S A FILM YOU LOVED WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG AND RECENTLY WATCHED, ONLY TO FIND OUT YOU DON’T ANYMORE — i can’t think of one....... maybe surfs up i was obsessed with that when i was little bt i bet if i watched it now i wld hate it LSHDGKLHSDLKG

DO YOU COLLECT ANYTHING? — ticket stubs from the movies i go to, weird like vintage/homemade jewelry tht i never wear, old coins, etc.

WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT BUT YOU’RE TOO LAZY? — politics tbh

THREE LANGUAGES YOU DON’T SPEAK, BUT WISH YOU COULD — spanish, latin, mandarin

MOVIE YOU’VE WATCHED MORE THAN 5 TIMES — tangled........ i went thru a phase fr 2 months where i watched it every day i was so obsessed...........

NAME A FICTIONAL CHARACTER FROM TV/FILM/MOVIE/GAME/BOOK THAT YOU FIND YOURSELF PROJECTING ON / YOU RELATE TO — rue from euphoria probs the most tbh

IS THERE ANY MEDIA (BOOK/MOVIE/GAME/TV SHOW) YOU FEEL CHANGED YOU IN SOME WAY? — maybe the harry potter series...... the biggest rp besides this one i was in was based off it n what not so

DO YOU FOLLOW ANY SPORTS? WHO DO YOU ROOT FOR? — like now tht i have a bf who likes sports kind of?? my whole family loves watched the blue jays baseball and maple leafs hockey games so i Sit There bt i dnt rly . care tht much JSDGKLHLDSG

HOBBIES BESIDES WASTING AWAY HERE? — /: reading?? fkin...... Drinking, i do some music stuff tht i need to . focus on again

PLUG A TV SHOW / MOVIE / BOOK / VIDEO GAME / ETC… YOU WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD CHECK OUT — uh?? watch chris klemens on youtube if u dont

TEAM EDWARD OR JACOB? (IF NOT APPLICABLE, WHO DO YOU LIKE MOST IN THE TWILIGHT SERIES) — i was jacob when i was younger now? alice and jasper........ the Real otp of twilight

LAST MOVIE SEEN IN THEATRE — the lighthouse

DO YOU STILL READ FOR FUN? — not as much as i wish i did /:

IF SO, WHAT ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? — the furies fr the watershed book club

ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW MUCH DID YOU HATE FILLING THIS OUT? – i didnt hate it rly i like talking abt myself quite a bit its jst the truth

[jising-jisang-jisung]

Waiting Game | Lee Jeno

Word count: 1.5k

A/n: wow I used a lot off lil faces in here for no reason other than self amusement so sorry¿? also hi I might have accidentally fallen in love with Jeno while writing this uwu his smile

Genre: floof ofc

~

Is it even possible that you liked the same boy for 11 years? You met Jeno in kindergarten and immediately fell for him. When you two were kids, you'd always tease each other and talk. "Ladies first." "oh then go ahead, Jeno." But as you two grew up, you both became too shy and quiet to talk to one another. 乁║ ˙ 益 ˙ ║ㄏ

Nevertheless, you liked the boy and you reckoned somehow you always would. Any time you imagined your future, he was there. If you were picturing your wedding, he was the groom. Your kids: had his eyes and hair. Future house: idk but he'd be there. You get the point. Jeno was always on your mind and you were worried that you might never get over him.

Now, half way through your junior year, you realize that you dont have much time left before you'll both move off to college and never see each other again *sad uwu*. So what do you do? You find his social media! How you two don't follow each other already, I dont know. A little while after he follows you back you send a meme. He sends one back, cute right? But then next day when you see him, you two act the same: borderline ignoring one another.

Frustrated at everything, mainly yourself, you decide to just risk it to get the biscuit. The next morning, you check your phone to see yet another meme from Jeno. Instead of sending one back you send:

Roses are red

You're pretty cute

Do you want to be my date to prom uwu?

And homeboy frickin responds to you with that:

Violets are blue

You're pretty cute too

I'd love to go to prom with you uwu

And you were like asdfjkan I did that on a whim and what?!?!? Queue your heart: bOom boOm!! -`ღ´- But now you are super anxious because you have barely had adequate conversations with this boy and now you are going to prom together. Little did you know that Jeno was also panicking.

So basically you have already gotten a dress at this point and are trying to track homeboy down to show him for color coordination purposes and not just because you want to talk to him. You finally find Jeno during lunch and show him pics of your dress and ask what he planned on wearing. You turn to face him and he just kinda (❁´◡`❁)... you wave your hand in front of his face a few times and he returns back to Earth. "Oh right sorry- uh you look nice. I'll just find a tie that will match" he says as his face turns hues of red. As you walk away you heard the rest of the boys laughing at Jeno's table, oblivious to the teasing comments about Jeno being in loooove with you.

Now at least you have an excuse to talk to Jeno which is cool because it leads to more conversations and meme sharing. One day in class you sent him some funny post and he looked up at you and smiled and your heart!! just!! boOm!! bOom!! -`ღ´- You would die for his eye smile holy crap. You absentmindedly smile back and now you two are just looking at each other and smiling like idiots for a few minutes <(▰˘◡˘▰)> . That is until the teacher calls your name.

"I'm sorry, what?" "I asked if what you got for number 7. Please pay attention y/n." "Yes, sorry." And you glanced back to Jeno to see that he was no longer looking at you but he did still have that stupid smile on his face. "24.9" "correct." You could feel your face blushing brightly just as Jeno's had before.

~

The day of prom finally came and to say you were really frickin anxious would be an understatement. The dance started at 7, so you were meeting Jeno at 5 to get pictures and dinner beforehand. You had hoped that when he came to pick you up you two would just leave. Of course, your parents had other plans, taking a millioooon pictures of you two together. After 1395820 years you finally head out to dinner with a few of your mutual friends and their dates.

Around a large table sat you, Jeno, and 8 others. You knew Jaemin, Renjun, and Donghyuck who were also in your class in addition to being Jeno's best friends, but you didnt know the last boy, Chenle. Apparently, he was a year younger than you, but you think it may be a bit more than one year. Coincidentally, their dates were some of your friends: let's call them Ryn why not we got a good thing going here, Elle, Sarah, and Rosie. After 2 hours of mindless staring, blushing, laughing, and eating a bunch of food, it was actually time for prom!

You entered the venue that was decorated to look like an enchanted forest, but to you it looked like Barbie Swan Lake. but whatevs. For the majority of the dance, you all had danced together in a large group, occasionally taking breaks for water and to cool down. But this time Jeno and you had decided to take a break while the others continued to bust a move. (´▽｀)ノ♪

"Tonight has been really fun so far, y/n, thank you for asking me to prom. I would've asked you but I didn't have the balls to do it." Not knowing what to say, you looked at him kinda like (。♡‿♡。) and without even realizing your actions, you left a smol smooch on his already tinted cheeks before grabbing his hand as you make your way back to the group.

It was nearing the end of the dance and, to your luck, the DJ put on a slow song. Before you could even open your mouth to speak, Jeno already had his hands around your waist, slowly drifting back and forth. Once again, he had the darned smile on his face that made you melt. You wrapped your arms around his neck in return and began to move as well. This got a lot of winks and hollers from your friends. You glared at Elle when you noticed she was filming everything. Pretty soon they started dancing too, leaving you and Jeno to yourselves.

You two had always been semi-awkward when you locked eyes for minutes on end, but it felt different now. The awkwardness and lack of talking was killing you. You tried to initiate conversation in hopes of eliminating some of the tension. "So-" but you were immediately cut off by Jeno's lips crashing abruptly against yours. You looked at him with your eyes wide from shock (⊙＿⊙) . "No need to talk" he replied, leaning in again. You closed your eyes and kissed him back.

Before you knew it, the song was over along with prom and students were leaving in crowds. You said bye to your friends before getting in Jeno's car for him to drive you home. At least, you thought he was taking you back to your house until you realized that he was in fact not doing that. "Um, this isnt the way to my house." "oh I know." "so where are we going?" "You'll see." You pouted (╯︵╰) wanting to know what was going on. When Jeno saw this he did what Jeno would do and pecked your lips again. "Dont worry y/n." And truthfully you couldn't worry. You really couldn't think at all. *swoons* (◕﹏◕✿)

He pulled up to a wendy's drive thru and began to order some food. "What would you like y/n?" After getting the bag of food he parked his car and began to munch eat his fries. After consuming the total of your meals and the fries that were in the bottom of the bag you were both just kinda :|. So you decided you might as well just kinda sorta maybe makeout with Jeno. And thus, that is what you did. His lips were really soft and tasted a little salty from all the fries, but you didnt mind.

You continued to smoochy smoochy makeout with Jeno for who knows how long when your phone vibrated, signaling a message from your mother. "She wants to know when I'll be home." "I suppose I should probably take you home now. It's getting late."

As he pulled up in your driveway and you thanked him for driving you, he grabbed your hand to stop you from getting out of his car. "Hey so, uh, about tonight- so are we-" he trailed off, not knowing how to finish his sentence properly without sounding like a doofus. "Jeno, would you like to be my boyfriend?" "YES! I mean, yeah sure that's cool." With that same dumb smile on your faces, you pressed your lips to his once more before heading into your house. When your mom asked you how it went, all you could do was smile. Even if it took 11 years to realize just how much you both liked each other, it was well worth the wait.

[dearestsouleater]

Entry #326 January 22, 2019 7:45 pm

Dearest SoulEater,

“Love does not change you, Loneliness does..“

That was my FB post this morning trying to reflect upon everything that transpired since December. Then this afternoon, after I have submitted my BIR Sworn Oath for Tax, I chanced upon Lara’s Coffee shop and decided to take my ultra late lunch there. I was eating this and maybe I might be feeling good now, so maybe it is high time to tell the story that has made me from an 2018 optimist to a 2019 pessimist.Yeah I know, Soul. It has been 6 long months since my last post, with lots and lots of things happened not being said. I have the memories in the form of videos at Youtube. It is there.

It all started December, where I was already forecasting the things I need to do for my transition to the same job but with better benefits. Like it always was, I had to endure the expectations and works of a teamleader, deciding on things and being responsible for them. I know for a fact that Ill be needing a lot of money to secure the new requirements set by the Civil Service for me to be accepted as a Casual Nurse under the Department of Health. I still have money, but the pressure was there, a very big cold and dark pressure. First is that we havent received our salary for November, and that it was December, meaning I had to prepare my gifts to my subordinates and of course, Lianne. With the budgeting I did, I can secure the costly requirements, but it will take toll to my plans with Lianne. I had to think long term and made sure that I secure that requirements for me to be financially secured until 2022. Me and Lianne were having some talks, and while she was planning, I was actually hesitant. Her plans involve expenses that are way beyond my capacity, she may have money for it, but I gotta consider where I stand after spending those. But in the end I agreed with what was initially planned and went on with my “Bahala na”.

Came December 21, it was our Christmas Party for the Department of Health. It was already stressful for me as being a Teamleader, I am responsible to a lot of things. And I am already in turmoil because of our ugly presentation since all municipalities are required to present a dance or whatever. Ours was not a presentation, more like an intermission number. That morning while I was having my preparations for that event, Lianne texted me and that conversation turned sour. She suddenly dropped the “As I thought” bomb on me. At the time I already saw what was coming. She was expecting that I have prepared plans for her on the coming holidays particularly Christmas. At the back of my mind I was thinking, didnt we had this conversation before, she already laid out the plans of what were bound to do, go to this fancy hotel and celebrate, after that go back to her apartment and be with each other, that was it. She was expecting more from me. Of all the times it would happen, why on that moment. We were still talking as I went to the venue of that Christmas Party masked as an Exit Conference. I was there the whole morning trying to juggle managing Lianne’s predicament with the problems I am facing on that event. Until she sent me a message that made me snap.. “Kahit hindi ka na bumalik”. I knew on that moment that that was it. That moment, I knew I cant keep going on. I understood that we cant make it work out anymore. I thought she was my partner for my battles, it turns out she was another battle that I had to win..and I felt so betrayed. I was just sitting there at my table, null and void with nothing but my fake smiles and just saying Im ok while people ask me why I was silent. I had to endure it for hours. And it felt like it was that day all over again, coz she gave back my money too. I dont even know what to feel and act them out. I just went home blank and staring after that successful Exit Conference.. Success for the event, disaster for me. I went home and acted like everything was ok and it was not. My parents even noticing it but I pretended that Im fine. They didnt know we already broke up on that day. I cancelled my reservation for the bus going to manila and had the money shifted to my mom’s reservation. Ate Cely asked me why, and I told them I was recalled for an emergency work on the 27th and 28th which was true. But I lied about the reason why Im not going to Manila anymore, it was because I had no more reason to go there. It was once again a long night..but it was never new to me. I have already faced the same event when she said she did not love me anymore, but only this time I had more resilience.

December 27, my parents had to leave for Manila because my father had to prepare going back to Saudi. I just didnt have the motivation to go anywhere, so I told them that I was recalled for work since it was an urgent matter and that it was a critical time for my appointment as a casual employee. And so they left me.. That time, a typhoon was coming in and that it was automatic for us nurses from DOH to activate Code White meaning we have to respond and report evacuees to central command. December 28 we already lost power supply and access to clean water, water was coming in too fast inside our house because they seep inside the cement, and I had to clean those areas the whole 24 hours. The next day, I stared at how black it was at my home..cold, dark and alone. I only had spare food to eat without the assurance that the faucet water was clean. That moment, I knew loneliness was killing me slowly. I have never been so alone at that point, that it made me think of a lot of things. But an unexpected event happened. My relatives who came from Naga cannot pass thru at the market going to their house as it was already in high flood, so they called me 11 pm that night to ask if they can stay at my house for the meantime. I was thinking that maybe it was You Soul that was giving me some light. So they came and stayed with me until the morning. They made me breakfast and then had to leave immediately to check the status of their own home. Maybe I got saved. Saved from feeling hopeless and alone. I went over to do my work to report any casualties of that calamity in our Municipality and had to live alone again.

December 31, current came back at around the afternoon and the relatives that I took in during the storm gave me Pizza from Shakeys because they knew I would be celebrating the New Year alone. There I was, only with myself and my prepared food before 12 am of January 1st 2019. I only had the pizza my relatives gave me, left over wine at the fridge and pancit canton while watching my friends from Twitch celebrate the New Year. I only had Se7en of HelixxVR with me during that time. I had no fireworks, I had no devices for making loud sounds, only me and my beating heart.

The whole of January was spent with me being all alone, doing everything by myself for myself, trying to survive and live. Our contracts are under abeyance due to some problems with the budget allocated with the Department of Health so what I have been doing in the past 3 weeks is just be at Twitch, stream, watch. It was during that time that I had a record high of 332 viewers, was able to pull off a 24 hr stream and got qualified for Twitch Partner. I slept 5 am almost everyday and woke up around 1 pm, missing my breakfast and lunch. I had nothing to do but stream and play. My November salary came, but it was all for paying the remaining bills and my December Salary is still pending.

Being alone for a long time turned me into something else. Maybe it was karma, or consequences of bad choices, but who is there to blame? Not Lianne, not everyone, not even You, Soul..only me. I decided not to talk to anyone about it. I just felt not doing it. I wanted this darkness for myself so I told no one about what I had gone through. I dont hate Lianne for what happened to us. I just came to realize that we have different end games. She wanted a grandeur life while I wanted a peaceful and simple one. She loved to travel while I only want to travel to just one place and that is Japan. We were different and it only needed sometime for me to accept that we are not compatible and that we are only bound to more stress and fights if we continued. I never talked about what happened to us at Social Media because it wont make me feel any better. I did not block her from my social medias as well because there is no sense doing it. I still see her posts, and maybe it was my way of self punishment.

2018 was a treasure chest of memories for me of her. It just so happened that December of that year became the Pandora’s box. She is currently happy now and I do pray to You Soul that you give her healing, and that she can move on peacefully, find someone that she deserves, not a loser like me who has nothing to offer as of the moment.  I still consider her a friend and acquaintance because Im not holding anything against her and I completely understand if she does not feel the same way I do.

I ate the last bits of my juicy saucy burger and finished it with my fries. I left with a face hoping that someday, I may never wish to ask from You that I rest..for good.

Thank You Soul, for everything..the blessings and lessons. You can still try and guide me while I try to live this tiring life. Give me something to motivate me to go on, yeah?

Love lots,

Jim..

P.S.

Funny that Jin didnt come out this time. Maybe he was confident Im getting through with this. I hope his confidence was right.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Hi!! So this is an honest question so i hope it doesnt come off as rude or anything- but doesn't the thought that everything you post here can be reblogged make you more reserved or anything? Idk how to explain it but whenever i wanna post something here i think about doing it for a super long time to be sure i want it to possibly be on the internet forever- but i see you're comfortable with sharing pretty personal stuff so i was just wondering if it affected you any way or maybe it was just me?

lmaooo it’s cool!!! there’s an unending AMA going on here and off the top of my head i can’t think of anything off-limits to ask about

it’s definitely not just you!! out of the ppl i know off the top of my head i’m probably really far and away doing the Most airing my bullshit. if you ultimately don’t like the idea of stuff just kinda sitting around to be seen by Anyone, that’s valid and there’s no problem with feeling like that makes you wanna Not Post some stuff

like this is especially true for young teens on the soche media…hell i just entirely threw out the blog i’d had from like 14 -18, and not because i was particularly embarrassed or anything, it just felt mostly obsolete. you can become someone so different in even one year and that’s fine and you might not want Old Venting and the like just sitting around out there. it’s definitely okay to be real private about that kinda stuff

i know sometimes ppl having sorta Compromises where maybe they’ll create a second blog / account specifically for talking abt personal stuff, and then only maybe allow friends (or nobody) to access it; or people will just tag everything with Delete Later and then go back and delete it later so it’s not out there forever, or just because they find it embarrassing soon afterwards lol

for my part, there’s definitely multiple reasons i pretty much don’t care

1. i never used to Vent post back in the early days. but one of my earliest examples maybe was this sudden essay i dumped on my blog when i was 16? 17? abt how unhappy i was at home. it took me till i was 18 to really start to realize that what i’d always lived with was literally abuse, and it was things like The Sudden Venting Essay that really helped me put it all into words and be able to organize my thoughts enough to write about it and realize that there was a lottttt of shit i was rly miserable about2. ever since then really i’ve found that when i write about something, whether messaging it to someone or just posting it in general, a ton of times it helps me kinda make connections or figure something out or just feel like i have a better grasp on an idea.3. even after i started maybe doing the occasional venting post, for a long time i was really hesitant about it, but this was mostly b/c i felt like i didn’t have ~real~ enough problems and/or nobody would really care. as for the former, well yesterday i was saying how i still have this underlying feeling that i’m an imposter / don’t count / not REALLY as ___ as other people or whatever, so i’m still working on that, but it definitely doesn’t upset me as much as it might back in the day. re: the latter—tbh i dont care if nobody cares. i write abt personal shit b/c i care. my entire blog is About and Because i care, and if other people care, great, if they don’t, ok.4. a lot of this is about having compassion for myself. i don’t look down on other people for making personal posts, so i don’t look down on myself, either. 5. more self-compassion: there’s probably olden text posts from the early days of this blog that don’t even sound like me coz my Outer Demeanor has changed a lot these past 5 or 2 or 1 yrs. but even if i stumbled across some Old Post of mine and was like “lmfao whats up w THIS loser” it’s like….well, i’m sympathetic to my Earlier Selves. this applies to like, me never deleting Late Night Sad Posts or whatever (even tho nowadays they’re never exactly like i’m upset, maybe just Melancholy or in a mood to talk abt something saddish) coz i’m like, well, even though rn i don’t feel like i Need this post, back then i did feel like venting to feel better! and that’s fine. i don’t find that embarrassing. it’s like if you’re thirsty on one day and you drink some water and at some random point during the next evening when you’re not thirsty you think back on that time you were drinking water and you’re like “wow, embarrassing.” well clearly its not a perfect analogy but the point is sometimes you might feel you need to talk, and sometimes you don’t, and both times are ok. its not an embarrassment to have been upset6. this blog is the most personal thing in the world for me lmao its my Main social media presence, goes back five yrs, and for like. well the whole five years its been what keeps me from being way more isolated than i am. irl friends have been long distance this whole time (save a couple exceptions) and mostly my way to talk to ppl has been on here. this was especially important when i was at my parents house for a couple yrs. it was fairly awful and being able to be in touch w ppl and being able to SAY it was awful was clearly important, and i became more inclined to write abt shit rather than hold myself back b/c my being able to say anything was important7. i still talk about things b/c being able to say anything here to people in the outside world is important8. i can’t be like “i cant talk abt this b/c its not important/interesting enough” coz if i did i wouldn’t talk abt anything. i just write b/c i have things to say, and this is my pointless blog9. i don’t expect i’ll ever become Well Known in any circles. for me the more likely concern is kinda disappearing either due to dying or incarceration or some other shit scenario. the times i talk on here are good b/c that hasnt happened yet and i have the option10. even if i did become well known, i don’t really care.11. also for uh…all the times i was living in my parents house thru my life i was really really isolated. for eons i was used to nobody knowing shit abt me and keeping p much all my thoughts to myself. nowadays this blog is what lets me be able to sorta Known and Seen and able to get in touch w ppl if we wanna. basically, there’s nothing TOO personal. i’m not even trying to push myself to “overshare” coz like i said, p much nothing is offlimits. i’ve just had a lifetimes worth of being very invisible and unknown to anyone12. actually i can still be very cagey abt myself in person. learning to be more open On Here is a bit helpful for that. 13. idk that anyone else would give a shit about old vent posts from me either. when i talk abt me im talking abt *me*, its really not even vaguely interesting when removed even one degree from that specific context. 14. maybe there’s the chance some shit will happen to be Relatable to other ppl and somehow helpful to them15. for example, a lot of how i realized i was actually experiencing abuse for real was thru anecdotal / qualitative posts abt it. sometimes there’s shit you think is Just You only b/c nobody else who it applies to is talking about it yknow16. maybe making it seem less a big deal to talk abt your bullshit if i unapologetically talk abt my bullshit17. i remember my younger self feeling like i didnt ~deserve~ to talk abt my own thoughts & feelings the way other ppl did coz mine weren’t as good, so i kinda do it for them / in celebration of no longer feeling that way18. i actually like to talk. i just usually can’t. irl i very very very very rarely talk at length about myself, i don’t talk much at all. for me this is where i get to talk19. hmm i may have skipped or forgotten something obvious but hey. for now, there’s this. no-limits milo they call me

[dumbthinmint]

Yeah so i accidentally took my fucking full dose stimulant instead of my vitamins this evening

An hour passes of wondering why I couldn't sleep when, by the time I had taken my meds and laid down, it was past midnight. Ten minutes then pads in horror and panic as my brain suddenly makes the connection that THOSE WERE THE WRONG COLORED PILLS (like seriously i didn't have to look at the box it was like my brain was sorting subconciously through my memories and pulled up a pic my eyes took of the pills in my hand for a split second before I took them). Queue about an hour of me frantically scouring the internet and texting the parent most likely to be awake trying to figure out if I'll die, fifteen minutes after discovering vitimin C, citrus juices, and orange juice particularly helps break it down scouring the dorm room for anything citrus-y, and ten minutes of eating two fruit cups of oranges while slowly realizing that as an adult living in college I can call the Poison Control Center or ER by myself without asking my parents. Five minutes of running to the basement to the vending machines with my phone, keys, wallet, and a waterbottle, 30 relieved seconds of buying two pints of orange juice from said machine, and then five panicky, weepy minutes stepping out back on the phone with Poison Control and having them tell me I'm gonna be okay but probably not sleeping tonight and I did everything right and I should just drink lots of fluids. ONLY THEN does my parent texts me back. He'd fallen asleep on the couch and the text updates I'd been sending just in case i collapsed without warning had been frequent enough to wake him up. He said he was proud of how I handled it though, so that's cool. Handled my first real emergency this year all by myself! But... now I'm sitting in the basement 3 cups into the orange juice, shaking slightly, clenching my jaw, tense-limbed, staring into the void trying to find something to do like type this post on tumblr mobile site AGAIN which I know i said i wasnt gonna do and i know the formatting is shit but i need to move a part of my body or I'll not have any kinetic movement to put all of the potential energy building under my skin into and then I'll probably explode or something i dunno. And i dont even have any homework i can do because it's the first week of class! What a waste, i accidentally give myself an adderall high and dont have any schoolwork to do during the all-nighter i now face. I swear tho I'd rather turn in a half-assed essay than put myself intentionally thru this to finish a paper like my typing is shit right now i dont have the self control to not type the swear words like seriously me this is too trivial to waste your powerful swear word energy on because if you never curse most of the time and then you do everyone goes OH SHIT SHE MAD OR UPSET OR SAD OR SOMETHING so its power. Also i almost typed my real name there and thats bad because then the stalker will find this blog and I'll have to make another new one and i dont want to do that even tho I'm technically not supposed to have this one according to my mom because i dont want any potential means of contact and OH MY GOD ITS SO HARD TO TYPE ON MY ITTY ANDROID KEYBOARD IN THIS STATE I'M ABOUT TO GO INTO MY SETTINGS AND ENABLE SOME SORT OF ACCESSIBILITY FEATURE and yeah she cant tell me what to do because I'm 19 and in college now and the rule was no social media unless it was approved as necessary or harmless (group me, snapchat, Pinterest) until college when we made our own rules as a part of being a grown up so I'm not breaking a rule but I'm not telling her that I'm not totally internet dark either also i can pick my own video games now i just beat assassins creed syndicate this summer and i loved it and like i get why a lot of people didnt it was a lot of to do sort of quests where you do the same sort of thing a bunch of times but for me i liked that because you learned to get good at it and you felt productive and it was great fun also evie is an icon and jacob is a bisexual mess. that's not being homophobic right to say that because i know yall say that about yourselves but i dont know if I'm allowed to and i cant quite click right to delete it ahhhbhhhhhh pls dont me mad tumblr my fingers are moving my themselves right now i just tried to spell tumblr as tumvlr three times in a row i should probably stop typing this post now

[rtvside]

     a peek into opening act :  𝐒𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐄 .

𝟎𝟎𝟏. 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐒 :

NAME: dallas elijah 'scarface' brown 

NICKNAMES: people and fans mostly call him ‘scar,’ though those closest to him get to call him by his first name

AGE: twenty - two

GENDER: cis man

PRONOUNS: he / him / his

HOMETOWN: fort worth , texas

OCCUPATION: former drug dealer , former club bouncer , current rapper / singer .

VOICECLAIM: blackbear

TRAITS: + innovative , modest , mischievous - troubled , hedonistic , non-committal 

HOGWARTS HOUSE: hufflepuff 

MORAL ALIGNMENT: chaotic neutral

HEIGHT: 6′2 (short kings anthem is unfortunately not canon)

ORIENTATION: pansexual

𝟎𝟎𝟐. 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐈 𝐁𝐈𝐎 :

dallas was basically born in texas though NOT his namesake which is the irony he laughs at day in and out . he had a big ole family and they scraped by on the bare minimum so he’s rather grateful for that upbringing

played football and thought he was going to get a scholarship until a dirty tackle shredded his shoulder . thinking he wouldn’t get by on academics alone , he started selling drugs to the rich kids to supplement his income . he’d produce beats on the side , never thinking much , but found a love for the tech and opted to pursue it further .

he went to texas a&m for computer engineering until he was kicked out his sophomore year during a frat party bust where he was caught dealing coke . he narrowly escaped jail time but was forced to go back home and figure out some way to make ends meet after deciding college was just a waste of time

still retaining a football build and with an imposing energy about him , he made a living as a bouncer at a local hot - button luxury club . it was the nicest place in fort worth , but the hedonism and rich kid energy fueled dallas’ distaste for the bravado these people put on .

one night their DJ fell through , and with a floor scrambling to keep their patrons happy , dallas stepped up and simply plugged his mixes in for the night and was met with roaring success . though the instrumentals were hits , people were asking if he had anything more substantial . he started uploading his first real songs with lyrics to soundcloud , and became fort worth’s best kept secret

his biggest hit , idfc , smashed soundcloud records and began getting radio time , shooting to success after major stars began to tag the song in their social media posts . dallas , going by the name of scarface , shoots to stardom after having lived years without more than some stereo equipment and a junker laptop to his name .

he’s now on the rivalry tour as an opening act , and the press from the tour itself and his own off - stage antics are making him a rising name in the alternative rnb / hip hop scene .

𝟎𝟎𝟑. 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘

scar’s known for being something of a mystery , though those closest to him argue they can see right through him . he’s quiet and reserved mostly due to his tendency to watch what goes on around him — he’s always seeing , always thinking , and always calculating how to make his next move for the hustle . he keeps to himself and his crew and is generally quiet in most new situations 

when he’s comfortable , he becomes a harbinger of mischief . he enjoys chill nights in spent smoking and roasting his friends in good fun . he’s levelheaded and astute and finds the most fun in minding his own business , often calling out the stupidity of the world around him with minimal filter once provoked . though warm and protective , scar won’t hesitate to put someone in their place if he’s really been fed up with their stupidity , and much of his music revolves around this critique of the world around him .

though he bites his tongue often enough to keep him out of trouble , it’s these provocations that tend to be his greatest weakness . he can be impulsive when criticizing others and often gets defensive when his own faults are brought into the picture , attacking instead of allowing himself to hear what is brought to his attention . he feels that he’s earned his stardom given the upbringing he faced and gets frustrated when people allow their fame to go to their head

when he’s not roasting people to bits or high as a kite , scar is mellow and gentle as a teddy bear . he feels his emotions incredibly deeply and is known for being as honest of a person as they come . he can be possessive to an extent and won’t hesitate to call out or even swing when needed to protect someone in his circle .

he’s got big keith powers energy , i def was influenced a lil by cody ko , jason momoa ,  basically the vibe of brockhampton , and m’baku from black panther . 

𝟎𝟎𝟒. 𝐏𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐒 :

this is the part where i go off mindlessly !

someone who discovered him ? maybe peeped his music and helped by giving him a shoutout , maybe even invited him to come to their studio ?

someone who invited him to come on tour and vouched for him to the tour organizers !

EXESSSS scar has hella simp music that i would luv to have had him really emotionally worked up about . cute exes that didnt work out for some reason but they’re on decent terms , intense exes that ended in flames , toxic exes that write diss tracks about each other and shouldnt be in a room together , messy exes that cant seem to stay away for long .

FWB this can go a million ways but EACH OF THEM IS A VIBE

people he calls out for the lifestyle ? see each other and its Fayde Onn Site

close friends . the people he chills w and softens up for aw so sweet

the noel to his cody — someone he REALLY just gets along w . platonic life partners and make fun of the world together . can be either gender !

musical mentor — this might be picky bc scar won’t listen to just anyone but if they vibe ? they have his undivided respect

bad influence — even though scar tries to keep away from the lifestyle , maybe ur muse seduces him into doing things he really shouldnt ?

good influence — someone who reminds him to let loose and enjoy his stardom while it’s rising 

smoke buddies . he used to deal coke and stopped using it when he came on tour , so he smokes a ton of weed instead . ur muse comes thru w the lighter !

[zhuhongs]

@shanheling… ask and u will recieve. I went looking for some of the worst things I’ve read and turns out its honestly just one incredibly weird white british woman making all these awful articles.

Her entireeeee body of work is awful… I will link it here (CW FOR INCEST AND CSA)

Some of the real doozies tho are this one (co written with two chinese authors) where they imply that danmei is feminist by being written by women for women even though it has pushes heteronormative ideas onto mlm couples (skull emoji) and that it has partially lead to gay activism and acceptance of the lgbt community in China like I’m sorry WHAT!!!

and this one that i didnt fully read but was abt H*RRY POTTER IN RELATION TO DANMEI… like I NEED TO FISTFIGHT THIS BITCH OH MY GOD

However that research project did lead to some very nuanced and well written finds so here is a palette cleanser bc yea…

this one is a really interesting one abt chinese masculinity and reiterates the point about like… how westerns view the scholar type as feminine (like how ppl flock to call nhs a fruit but like.. hes not feminine. yall are just colonized) but in chinese culture, the scholar is its own sort of masculine ideal that westerns impose their bias onto.

THIS ONE IS RLLY LONG (link in the first white button with a url) but i skimmed a lot of it for my project and it has rlly good points about the intersection of race and gender.

This one about the popularity of hello kitty that i just thought was really interesting as it detailed the idea of foreigness as cool and how like asian ppl percieve hello kitty as western yet westerns percieve her as japanese so its like… a subtle dig at the underlying fetishism and “coolness” appeal in buying foreign products

honestly for anyone interested in academic articles on social issues to like back up the rhetoric they read on tumblr and want to actually understand. i HIGHLY recommend looking through semanticscholar and academia.edu for access to actual academic articles so u can understand nuanced views on issues rather than parroting the stuff u see on social media and esp for white ppl. dont expect poc to spoonfeed u information… actively look into these things urselves. there are so many insightful and interesting articles on stuff that actually matters. There is also a lotttt of horse shit as I’m trying to prove here but like.. take the time to read things and think abt them and decide whats good and bad. critical thinking is good

and here is smth I read thats a mixed bag but its abt guardian so like.. ofc i read it. (click on the button that says “series.unibo.it”) its rlly insightful from pages 1 to halfway thru 3 (just skip the entire first numbered section called “ GAY ROMANCE VERSUS BROTHERHOOD (..)” and continue from section 2 onwards. It gave me a much better view of li qian’s background bc i never realized that the reason she lived with her grandma was bc of the one child policy and her family had a son after her and disowned her. so i’m like.. oh. 

sage....sage what do u mean by danmei academic articles that sounds like a nightmare 😭

Do you want links bc there is a niche of white women with masters writing articles abt danmei. i WISH I WAS LYING